As any Marvel fan knows, Stan Lee has often been quoted as saying he used alliterative names so he could easily remember the heroes he created. From Peter Parker and Matt Murdock to Reed Richards, Steven Strange, Victor Von Doom and J. Jonah Jameson Jr., Marvel Comics is littered with this charming tic, often giving heroes’ civilian identities a subtle flair that helps them stick in the minds of fans. But while some of these names verge on the silly, they come nowhere close to the most ridiculous names in Marvel Comics.
A hero’s real name is usually a necessary cover story for their spandex-covered second life, but many characters who were conceived in the bombastic, pulp-fiction stylings of yesteryear don’t quite hold up to the scrutiny of a modern audience, or the more serious stories they’ve starred in since… and then there are those whose names were ludicrous from their first issue.
Jack Russell turns into the Werewolf by Night, so it’s unfortunate that a man quite so involved with the canine side of life shares his name with a breed of dog. It’s an intentional joke on the part of the writers, of course, but what makes it particularly humiliating is that Jack Russell comes from a long genetic line of werewolves, meaning that somehow, no-one in his family spoke up about the joke in his name that would reveal itself later in life. He’s been unable to lift the curse and works as a hero most of the time, but still has to face the moon once a month and become a fully realized joke – as heroes like Deadpool have pointed out to him in the comics.
In contrast, Johnny Blaze’s parents couldn’t have known he would someday be inhabited by the Spirit of Vengeance and run around New York City with his skull on fire. Blaze’s deal with Marvel’s version of the devil, Mephisto, gave him hellish powers and the right to be judge, jury and executioner of those he deems wicked, but with Marvel now having established a long, long legacy of Ghost Riders stretching back to prehistory, Blaze’s appropriately fiery surname seems less like fate, and more like bad luck.
Dum Dum Dugan doesn’t have an alias and instead sticks with his former circus performer name… which is a mistake. The super-strong S.H.I.E.L.D. agent has a long history as a clandestine spy and sharpshooter. His intimidating mustache (paired unironically with a bowler cap) cuts an imposing figure. But when he announces his first name, even his commanding presence isn’t enough to stifle the sniggers. Dugan chose “Dum Dum” over the mouthful Timothy Aloysius Cadwallader Dugan, so it’s not like he didn’t have options for a less laughable nickname.
But by far the silliest civilian name in Marvel belongs to one of its most powerful heroes. Black Bolt’s hero name doesn’t really match his super power of projecting his voice to create devastating sonic waves, but it turns out that’s because it’s a shortened form of his real name: Blackagar Boltagon. Hailing from the Inhumans, an offshoot of humanity experimented on by the Kree, there’s some explanation for why Black Bolt would have such a ludicrous name, but Marvel Comics can’t have it both ways. Either Blackagar Boltagon is a name even the Inhumans should find funny, or the shortened Black Bolt is the equivalent of Peter Parker swinging around town as the Amazing Pete.
