One of the most successful and hugely popular shows, Two And A Half Men is mainly about the lead characters, the charming Charlie Harper, his sullen brother Alan Harper, and his cute kid, Jake. Charlie is living like a free bull on his beach house until Alan shows up at his house with a kid. His world turns upside down, and he undergoes quite a lot of transformation in his thoughts. He mostly does not like his brother’s presence, though he comes to love Jake. Charlie is a woman’s man, and they seem to love him, too. We’re going to share ten of the worst and hilarious pickup lines he used on this crazy show.
No, That Was Lana Lang
“Hey, didn’t you use to date Superman?”
In the twenty-first episode, Alan takes Charlie to his divorce attorney, Laura Lang, for the resolution of his son’s custody.
When Charlie sees her, he instantly falls for her. She tells him that boys have been trying this tired old line on her since fifth grade. Obviously, he doesn’t take the hint and keeps on trying. In the same episode, he also sniffs a paralegal and indirectly hits on her by saying that she smells as good as the coffee she is serving.
When Charlie Became Jake’s Wingman
“Let’s face it, they’d rather be sitting and talking with each other than hanging out with a couple of old farts like us.”
In the third season, Charlie and Jake have come for a pizza at a restaurant when a pretty mother-daughter duo walk in and take the table near them.
Jake starts staring at her unintentionally, and Charlie immediately notices that. He encourages him to saunter over and talk to her. Later, he steps forth as Jake’s wingman and tries to get a date for his nephew, which, by the way, Jake did get to first base a few minutes later. But, it was so bad that the lady pepper-sprayed him.
The Voodoo That I Dodo So Well
“Hi! I’m Charlie.”
“Don’t care.”
“And you are?”
“Not interested!”
In the eighth episode of the third season, Charlie and Alan go out for a coffee when Charlie takes a shine to a girl reading a book on a table. The girl is revealed to be Mia, a dance teacher. His romantic overtures die a painful death when he delivers that dumb line in order to impress her. She gets put off so much that she does not even respond to his hello later.
Shall We Get A Room?
“So, you wanna just blow this place and get a room?”
Charlie was in a pretty long on-again-off-again relationship with Lisa, who used to live in his beach house before he bought it. They kept breaking up, making up, and again hooking up. She admittedly loves him, and he just likes to spend time with her every now and then. She is fed up with the unstable affair and wants to settle down now. Her wedding is in a few days, and she calls Charlie over to a café to give him the news. But, Charlie being Charlie, asks her bluntly if they should get a room.
Never Use This One
“You are recently divorced. Would you like a drink?”
In the third season, Alan starts dating a girl half her age, Kandi. Let’s just say she is not very bright. She was kicked out of her apartment, and he took her in. Unfortunately, the problem starts when he keeps her as a receptionist at his own clinic and she starts feeling like she is always bossing him around. Kandi, by chance, talks to Alan’s ex-wife Judith on the phone, and they become friends as they have lot to talk about—as in Alan.
Kandi even moves in with her. That’s when Kandi’s mother comes looking for her and runs into Charlie, instead, who is on a dry streak and won’t want to miss out on this chance.
A Lousy One
“Tell you what, when you get him home, there will be a cold margarita waiting for you out on my deck which overlooks the ocean in my beach house in Malibu.”
Hands down the most cheesy pick up from Charlie throughout the series, this one also takes the cake for being too prude about it. Alan’s car is at the repair, so he has to get to Charlie drive him to work pretty early in the morning. Pretty understandably, Charlie is grumpy about it, and, when they arrive at his clinic, he wants to use his washroom. On entering, he finds a beautiful receptionist which Alan has been hiding for six months from him.
The Beautiful Doctor
“Hello Doctor! You have a really cute little nose you know that?”
In the seventeenth episode of the second season, Charlie hurts himself while in bed with a girl and gets stuck until Alan helps him up and takes him to the doctor. He can barely walk or sit, and his back is constantly hunched over due to the unbearable pain. When they reach his hospital, Charlie finds out his Doctor Stanley passed away, and a new doctor Talmadge has taken the role up. She is quite good looking, and, as soon as she enters the room, Charlie sits upright and starts hitting on her.
I’m Charlie
“Hi, I’m Charlie! I once had my heart broken by a woman named Linda.”
This is rather well-known fact that Charlie just lights up when he sees women. A genuine charm exudes off of him in the presence of young pretty girls. When a concerned Judith assembles her support group to complain about the corrupting influence of Charlie over Jake in an attempt to stop Jake from visiting his house, he goes to her house to apologize. But, this line didn’t impress anyone up until he started telling them his own sob stories.
Quite admirably, in the meeting, he gave some great arguments with his big brown eyes and nice smile, of course, and set an example of how to win over a meeting where all the members are totally against you.
The Mall Pick Up
“Excuse me for saying so, but you really don’t need that Lean Cuisine.”
This backfired on Charlie himself when the girl he tried this on, started checking his cart out. In the first season, Charlie is going through a rough patch. He is burdened with a lot of overdue debts and a falling credit score. Alan suggests that he control his spending habits and save some money. They go grocery shopping, and Alan starts filling their cart with some really cheap stuff. So, before you try such pickup tactics at the mall, kids, do remember to check your own cart, first.
Karma Is A B*tch
“Uh listen, so can I buy you a drink?”
Charlie is sitting in his favorite pub drinking up when he encounters a pretty woman and tries to make small talk with her. Soon, he starts trying to flirt with her with his crazy one-liners. She keeps laughing at him with her lady friends, but he just doesn’t stop. She mocks him saying, “Then what? We go back to your beach house, sit on the deck, gaze at the stars, talk about how you love being an uncle and how maybe someday you’d love to have kids of your own and by the way, I have the most beautiful eyes in the world!”
