Science fiction is a genre that can often be campy at times, with an oversaturation of the usual cliches. Sometimes, this campiness can be seen in sci-fi films’ premises, costumes, or weapons.
Sci-fi films have weapons of all sorts and many of them might seem to be impractical or unrealistic but they still continue to fascinate us. But some of these weapons test all limits of logic, and end up being as lame as Batman popping out a ‘Bat Credit Card’ in Batman & Robin
Zorg ZF-1- The Fifth Element
Out of all the lame sci-fi weapons, Zorg ZF-1 is still the ‘Swiss Army knife of guns’ and a pretty cool accessory to own (preferably unloaded). Used by Gary Oldman’s over-the-top villain in The Fifth Element, it is an ‘all in one’ gun, a highly impractical gun that James Bond or Inspector Gadget would like to own someday.
A flamethrower, a rocket launcher, a machine gun, a poison arrow launcher, a net launcher are some of Zorg ZF-1’s abilities. The recoil on this gun might be beyond human imagination.
Kylo Ren’s lightsaber- Star Wars series
Again, this sci-fi weapon isn’t completely lame and is very pleasing in an aesthetic sense. Lightsabers themselves might be pretty lethal weapons for the users themselves but are still iconic. However, Kylo Ren’s red lightsaber in the new Star Wars films takes the lethalness to another level.
His variant of the lightsaber is a ‘cross bladed’ one, meaning that the red kyber crystal’s heat (the power source of the lightsaber) is also emitted along the sides. While it sets Kylo apart from any other lightsaber-holder, there are dangers of him getting his own fingers and hands chopped off the minute he loses his grip on the weapon. Then, he and Luke Skywalker will finally have something in common.
Just a hand grenade- Death Race 2000
In Death Race 2000, the protagonist Frankenstein plans to assassinate the brutal and mindless future president of America. This plan involves winning the race, shaking the President’s hand while concealing a hand grenade, and triggering the explosion while dying himself. His co-racer Annie asks him, ‘Is that a grenade?’ To this, Frankenstein calmly answers, ‘A hand grenade. That handshake is all I’ve lived for as long as I can remember. ‘
For this very specific assassination plot, Frankenstein uses just a hand grenade. Nothing too sophisticated about it, but the size of the grenade dwarfed within Frankenstein’s prosthetic hand is chuckle-worthy.
Sick stick- Minority Report
Minority Report is a very thoughtful and introspective genre film with an impressive range of future tech. The sick stick too seems like a safe, non-violent weapon for law enforcement. But then, it’s pretty gross too and Philip K Dick or Steven Spielberg should have come up with a way better name.
The stick is a baton that causes the victim to vomit when struck. The Exorcist-style projectile vomiting would cause the attacker’s attire to be stained all the time.
Falcon’s suit- Marvel Cinematic Universe
Anthony Mackie’s take on Falcon for the MCU looks like a good technical update on the original character’s costume in the comics. But despite the jet engines on his back and the mechanized wings, Falcon’s flying apparatus is pretty lame and unsafe.
Most film characters while flying in the sky don suits that cover them from head to toe and for good reason. One doesn’t need to be a science nerd to know that temperature starts falling as altitudes increase. And yet, Falcon flies carelessly in a half-sleeved tee and some padding, with no helmet on his head. Frostbite might end up becoming Falcon’s arch-nemesis if this carries on.
Stormtroopers’ entire armory- Star Wars series
Stormtroopers’ helmets and armors are poorly designed and made of weak material. Even a rock hurled by an Ewok can put a Stormtrooper to the ground.
Second, their weapons just seem to have the worst aim and hardly any impact on the enemy forces. In some renditions, they are armed with riot-batons that again seem ineffective when the opposing forces are armed with lightsabers and blasters. Comparatively, Stormtroopers in Star Wars games are way better in terms of their weapons and skills.
De-evolution gun- Super Mario Bros
King Koopa wields the de-evolution gun, a firearm that is exactly what it sounds like. It doesn’t kill a person. It turns the person into a chimpanzee instead.
The weapon is actually funny considering the video game on which the Super Mario Brosmovie is based. But this universally-panned video game flick gets so overbearing and cringe-inducing that the de-evolution gun seems like another unwanted gag by the time it’s introduced.
Bio Force Gun- Doom
Another one of the innumerable ‘bad films based on good video games’, it would be an understatement to call Doom a disappointment. The movie’s source material was a pathbreaking work in the world of gaming, with its distinct weapons the most notable of which was the BFG (a.k.a. the Big F****** Gun).
The BFG was changed a bit in terms of its design and rechristened as the Bio Force Gun in the film. This version of the BFG hardly had anything significant about it and instead had issues in terms of its charging and impact.
Steel teeth- Moonraker
James Bond’s international lovemaking exploits mostly fall under the spy genre but Moonraker clearly has a sci-fi angle to it, with an outdated grand finale in outer space. For a movie like this, one would wonder the lame weapon would be a satellite to destroy the world or a golden gun of sorts. But it’s the steel teeth of henchman Jaws that stands out.
Jaws is definitely a memorable yet heavily laughable character in the franchise. He can use his steel teeth to bite into anything, from metals to human flesh.
Bat-Shark Repellent- Batman: The Movie (1966)
Adam West’s Batman gave a lighthearted avatar to the caped crusader, giving viewers some priceless ‘so bad that it’s good moments’. In 1966’s Batman: The Movie, Batman is escaping from an ocean while Robin pilots the Bat-Plane above. Robin drops a ladder for Batman to climb but right then, a shark charges at the dark knight.
In a calm and composed tone, Batman asks his accomplice to throw him a can of Bat-Shark Repellent. This random item has no match in terms of lameness and creativity.
