Tom Wambsgan is a weird guy. Between his deep-seated insecurities and incessant need to be a doormat to Logan and the entire Roy family, he’s always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. He’s the oddball out, and typically the butt of the jokes. Especially during Succession first season, his character has yet to impress or endear anyone. However, as the series continues, Tom has become a sort of dark horse.
While his quotes are often strange, there’s something admirable about a man who continues fighting for the approval of a family that will likely never accept him.
When Tom Mocks Greg’s Shoes At Work
“Are We Talking To Each Other On The Poop Deck Of A Majestic Schooner? Is The Salty Brine Stinging My Weather-Beaten Face?”
One of Tom’s favorite pastimes is giving Greg a hard time. As Greg is the only family member below Tom in rank, Tom feels comfortable making fun of Greg in extreme ways.
When Greg shows up wearing boat shoes on his first day of work, Tom immediately pounces. Reaching to mock his underling, Tom paints a nautical word picture so random and offbeat, even Greg looks lost for words. Then the camera pans down and Tom alleviates the confusion by pointing out Greg’s questionable choice in footwear.
When Tom Talks Romantically To Shiv
“Aw, Shiv, Honey Badger. God, I Want To Dock Myself Inside You So Much Right Now.”
Without a doubt, Tom’s madly in love with Shiv. Unfortunately, there’s a significant imbalance in their loyalty to each other. Even on Tom’s bachelor night, he gets on the phone with Shiv to brief her on the shenanigans that could happen, reminding her he doesn’t want anyone else. Shiv can’t brush his concerns off fast enough so she can return to mingling with Nate, but Tom is oblivious to her indifference.
Ending the conversation with a very Tom-like quote that really sums up his personality on Succession, Shiv’s mostly nauseated by his weird display of affection.
When Tom Has To Carry His Own Bags
“I’ve Just Picked Up A Bag. I’m Carrying A Case On My Wedding Eve.”
So when a bus drops his family off a few feet from the wedding venue entrance, he doesn’t hesitate to give voice his disappointment. Because of the extra distance, he is forced to strain his poor body to carry a suitcase on the night of his wedding. If it wasn’t obvious, Tom’s a total drama queen.
When Shiv Proposes An Open Marriage To Tom
“If I’m The King And You’re The Queen, Maybe It’s Fine To F— The Odd Peasant.”
When Shiv proposes a non-monogamous marriage only after she and Tom were already officially married, Tom has a difficult time grasping the concept. Especially being such a traditional guy with a conventional view of marriage, the only way he can process non-monogamy is by putting it into his own terms.
This means making certain that he is at the top in his rightful spot, ruling over any potential newcomers (as long as the odd peasant isn’t Nate). Tom’s so fearful of losing Shiv and the privilege that comes with being her partner that he’s willing to agree to any of her terms, even if it means giving up his self-respect. This is arguably the character’s worst trait on Succession.
When Tom Tries To Flirt With Rhea
“This Is Like The VIP Area Right Here. Right? It Should Be, Like, Cordoned Off With A Velvet Rope, A Bit Of VIP Bondage.”
When Shiv advised Tom to engage in some “dirty flirty” with Rhea to make Logan jealous, he does as he’s told. Initially, he’s hesitant to make his big boss jealous, but he’s willing to do anything for his wife.
Tom weasels his way into conversation with Roman and Rhea the only way he knows how: by making cringy jokes. As usual, Tom goes to far with his rambling, wrapping up this already inane quote with a non sequitur ode to BDSM. Though Tom’s attempt at wit makes Roman roll his eyes, he successfully makes Rhea laugh.
When Tom Discusses Open Marriage With Shiv
“I Do, But I Do Maybe Also Demand To Gobble The Odd Side D—.”
During the season 2 finale, “This Is Not for Tears,” Tom confronts Shiv for dropping the wedding night bomb of non-monogamy. At the time, he had brushed off her comment, acting unaffected. However, as the two relax on the beach in silence, Tom’s thoughts are apparently racing.
In one of those instances when Succession viewers actually felt bad for Tom, he admits to Shiv that he’s unhappy in their marriage and doesn’t appreciate her mentioning her desire for an open marriage mere hours after they tied the knot. While this confrontation and admission of despondence are seemingly out of character, the way he defines the rules of non-monogamy as “gobbling the odd side d—” truly adds a typical Wambsgans flavor t0 the dialogue.
When Tom Wants To Impregnate Shiv Before He Goes To Prison
“We’re Like A Sorority House. We’re In Sync. I’m Just Vibing To Your Sexy Window.”
During the cruise scandal, Tom had already accepted his fate. He mentally prepared himself for a short stint in prison, fearing the food and accommodations less than the idea of Shiv leaving him. Instead of directly confronting Shiv about his trepidation, he came up with a scheme to impregnate her.
When she catches onto his motivations, he dismisses them saying he simply doesn’t want her to be lonely while he’s gone. Not only is his solution creepy and questionable, so is his phrasing.
When Tom Explains To Greg How He Landed Shiv
“I’ve Got A D— The Size Of A Red Sequoia, And I F— Like A Bullet Train.”
The entire exchange between Greg and Tom during Kendall’s birthday bash is a dance. The clever banter between the two is the foundation for their chemistry. When Tom teases Greg about Greg’s crush on Comfry, Greg pushes back, asking Tom how he landed Shiv.
With Tom’s low ranking on the Succession power ladder, he’s used to being told he’s beneath Shiv (mostly by Shiv herself). When Greg puts him in his place, Tom throws back a ridiculous alpha male response. He’s so used to being low-status that he overcompensates to an absurd degree when talking to Greg, and this quote is one of the purest examples of that dynamic.
When Tom Compliments Greg
“Look At You All Gussied Up, You Slick Little F—.”
When Greg arrived at Kendall’s party suited up, Tom is thoroughly impressed. With both of the men riding high on the fact that they haven’t landed in prison as a result of the cruise scandal, Tom lets his guard down and gives Greg one of his first genuine compliments.
Of course, Tom is incapable of using normal language, even when he’s being sincere. Thus, he expresses his approval of Greg in the most Tom way possible, artlessly combining slang and profanity.
When Greg Expresses Doubt To Tom About Comfry
“The Man Dying Of Thirst Is Suddenly A Mineral Water Critic? Does Comfry Not Sate Your Lust For Wisdom, Greg?”
Greg’s attraction to Comfry often gives Tom and Shiv a good laugh. When Greg shows up to Caroline’s wedding with Comfry as his date, Shiv and Tom don’t hesitate to point out that he’s “punching above his weight.” Ignoring their mockery, Greg asks whether they think Comfry has any real depth or substance.
Taken aback by Greg’s confidence, Tom instantly questions why Greg, the man who had been complaining about being single, was being so critical and picky with a woman deemed far superior. Tom wastes no opportunity to knock Greg down a peg whether he needs it or not.
