Spider-Man‘s worst blind date was with Hercules‘ wife – and, naturally, it turned into a fight with the Prince of Power himself. There’s an argument to be made that Spider-Man’s greatest enemy is not the Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, or even Venom. At the end of the day, Spider-Man’s greatest enemy… is himself. Peter Parker’s secret identity has always complicated his life, forcing him to let down so many friends and lovers because he just didn’t turn up on time for a date.
Peter’s beloved Aunt May has never been able to understand quite why her nephew’s love life is such a tangled web. As a result, she spends an inordinate amount of time trying to match-make Peter. Sometimes things work out; she and her friend Anna Watson tried to get Peter and Mary Jane to go out for years before the two finally came face-to-face. But other times, Aunt May’s attempts to help her nephew in the area of love and romance have backfired spectacularly. One of the most hilarious examples was an occasion where she arranged for Peter to go on a date with an actual Greek goddess, as told in the Assault on New Olympus Prologue.
Hebe is the goddess of youth, and when the Olympians lived among mortal men she chose to help out with May Parker’s FEAST Project, which provided food for the homeless. Trained to be the cupbearer of Olympus, Hebe was a natural cook in the kitchens, and she got on well with May Parker. It didn’t take long for May to set Hebe up on a blind date with Peter, and the two hit it off straight away. She talked about her relationship history, her love for her estranged husband Hercules, and her desire to move on. Hercules himself arrived just as Peter and Hebe were sharing their first kiss.
Every superhero team-up traditionally begins with a fight, but the reason for this one was more hilarious than most. Hercules had never exactly been a faithful husband, but he was appalled to see a woman he truly loved making out with someone else. As far as Hercules was concerned, this young man simply wanted to have his way with Hebe, and that was something the Prince of Power could not countenance. He intended to make Peter regret ever setting eyes on Hebe – but, of course, it didn’t take Peter long to slip out of sight and into a change of clothes.
This was the most mismatched superhero brawl there has ever been. Spider-Man gave it his all, but all his punches accomplished was bruised knuckles. He swiftly realized his only chance against Hercules was to use his mind rather than his muscles, attempting to trap Hercules in several creative ways. It was to no avail, and soon Spider-Man had trapped himself underneath a pile of cars. Spider-Man is no match for Hercules like Thor is. He could only watch with mixed emotions as Hebe herself confronted Hercules, and the two shared a heart-to-heart. So Spider-Man‘s blind date ended with him watching the girl in question share a passionate kiss with her husband, Hercules. The Parker luck had struck again.
