Jerry’s terrible neighbor Cosmo Kramer has committed pitiful acts, and he even went to jail for some of them. Kramer’s mistakes are far too many and have often harmed him, his friends, and even his acquaintances. He has been mistaken as a pimp and a murderer. He’s been abducted on orders of The Postmaster General for anti-postal activities.
The Kramer audiences bid goodbye to didn’t plan on putting an end to these activities any time soon, and, just because he didn’t learn from his mistakes doesn’t mean that the rest shouldn’t.
Never Park In A Handicap Spot
Kramer fell in love with Lola in “The Handicap Spot.” Not once, but twice, the lady was badly injured because of George and Kramer’s negligence. Kramer encouraged George to park in the handicap spot. The woman, Lola, who needed the spot had to wheel-up an incline, causing her a concurrent injury.
Kramer forced George to buy Lola a wheelchair since the previous one was totaled. The two adults settled for an eight-year-old used item. The second time, this wheelchair rolled uncontrollably down a slope, causing Lola an even worse injury. It’s hazardous to buy a used wheelchair for a differently-abled person’s use.
Never Leave An Unattended Lit Cigar
The ironic moment in “The Bubble Boy” is when Henry Ross’s cabin is burned down using his Cubans. Kramer and his girlfriend Naomi break into Susan’s cabin for the weekend. The man leaves a lit cigar on the fireplace shelf before heading out for a swim. This cigar falls on paper and the cabin is raised to the ground—but Kramer wasn’t even sorry about the whole debacle.
So, there are three mistakes from which to learn: trespassing on private property, leaving a lit cigar unattended, and no display of remorse or guilt whatsoever.
Never Use Butter As An Emollient Under The Sun
Kramer slathered butter all over his body in “The Butter Shave.” At first, Jerry tried to talk him out of it, but, sensing the man’s commitment, he stopped. Kramer bought cans of butter for external use because, in his opinion, it was vastly superior to any commercial cream. He climbed on the roof to get some sun with his moisturized body. Next thing you know, Kramer had fallen asleep and cooked himself.
The man didn’t see a doctor to cure his burns. Instead, he consulted the Bon Appétit Magazine which told him to keep his skin moist to prevent it from drying out.
Never Jump Up And Down In A Small Aircraft, Or Any Aircraft
Seinfeld finale earned disrepute on account of various crimes committed by the cast of four. It remains one of the most-hated finale episodes, ever. Kramer made trouble for everyone when he jumped up and down in NBC’s private jet. He did that to get rid of the water inside his right ear. He put everyone’s life in danger when he fell into the cockpit. Kramer caused an emergency landing in Latham, Massachusetts.
Never Mix Up With The Likes Of Film Pirates
It’s one thing if Kramer didn’t know his friend Brody was a film pirate. Knowing very well Brody sold pirated films on the street for a living, Kramer forced Jerry to buy an extra ticket—forget the fact that Jerry had to go through the trouble to arrange a third ticket to Death Blow.
In the movie theater, the ungrateful Brody started-off with misbehaving with Jerry. The bootlegger had to leave midway because of a health emergency. He threatened Jerry to record the rest of the movie at gunpoint.
Never Show Disregard For Executive Offices
Kramer went on an anti-postal campaign in “The Junk Mail.” He visited the post office to exhibit a blatant disregard for United States Postal Service. He pressed the post office employees to stop his mail altogether. Kramer’s good friend Newman warned the man to walk away from his devious plan.
Kramer went a step ahead to use a van to further his agenda. He distributed ‘Mail Is Evil’ pamphlets throughout the city. In the end, Postmaster General Henry Atkins kidnapped and intimidated Kramer to put an end to his campaign.
Never Leave The Door Open To An Apartment
“The Robbery” is yet another example of Kramer’s terrible neighborliness. In Jerry’s absence, his apartment is broken into by thieves thanks to the hipster doofus. Kramer had come over to borrow Jerry’s spatula, in the process of which he’d left the door wide open.
When held accountable, Kramer said he was going to bring the spatula right back, but he got caught up watching a soap opera. Poor Jerry didn’t even have insurance back then.
Never Drink Spoiled Milk
Even though Jerry is squarely responsible for leaving behind the milk carton that’s gone bad, Kramer continually ate from Jerry’s fridge without his consent or permission. It wasn’t a one-time thing, but a daily routine of the moocher. Kramer mooched off his neighbor till the end of Seinfeld. To top it all, he threw up on the NBC executive, championing Jerry’s pitch, Susan. Kramer didn’t know what healthy parameters were, and he had to take a beating for that one!
Never Smoke A Cigar If You Don’t Know The Proper Way
Ah, the time when Kramer lit his hair on fire! Cigar smoking is an art, one that many gradually master. Kramer was always smoking cigars at Jerry’s. However, this one time, he puffed so strongly on the cigar that smoke started coming out of his nose and ears.
Kramer started with burning his hair. In the same season, he graduated to burning down an entire wooden cabin—all because he didn’t know the proper/safer way of smoking a cigar.
Always Watch For A Head Injury
Kramer was hit in the head by Crazy Joe Davola for not inviting him to his party. Although he wore Newman’s helmet at the time, he still suffered an injury. But the hipster doofus chose to overlook this injury. As time passed, he started yelling Yo-YO Ma, uttering gibberish, and wearing one pant leg.
Kramer accompanied Newman down to the courthouse as his alibi for speeding. Because of his head injury, he forgot the whole alibi when called to the stand. The signs of head injury were subtle at first, but they could have been life-altering had Jerry not intervened at the right time.
