Alexis Rose, like the rest of the Rose family, is quick-witted and though she grew emotional and matured throughout the show her shady burns never disappeared. Alexis’s burns didn’t discriminate as she completely eviscerated everyone on the show in only a few lines.
Most of her burns are directed toward her brother David and fuels their sibling rivalry as the two verbally spar trading searing quotes back and forth. Alexis’s witty and at times devastating lines are some of the funniest on Schitt’s Creek.
Do I Move To Some Random Island To Be With The Love Of My Life? I Did That With Harry Styles in England, And It Was, Like, Too Rainy.
Alexis debates if she wants to leave Schitt’s Creek to go be with Ted in the Galapagos and delivers this burn on the entire country of England in the process.
She wonders if she could really move to be with the love of her life, Ted, to live on some random island, the Galapagos, and compares it to a time when she moved to the random island of England to be with Harry Styles but hated it because it was too rainy.
I Don’t Skate Through Life. I Walk Through Life, In Really Nice Shoes.
David claims that Alexis doesn’t understand his anxieties and his worries because she just skates through life without any worries and Alexis retorts with this line.
She doesn’t argue that she’s not had an easy life or that she’s not confident without the same worries as David. Hilariously, she only argues that she wouldn’t dare skate through life because she walks through life with her really nice shoes.
I Did Not Write This, I Didn’t Even Choose This Font. It’s Horrible.
Alexis goes back to school to get her GED and is truly trying her best to succeed in all of her courses when her teacher, Jocelyn, confronts her saying that one of her papers has been plagiarized.
Alexis argues and reads over the paper that Jocelyn hands her. She says she didn’t write the paper and it’s not the one she wrote or intended to turn in, saying that she wouldn’t have even chosen that font, as she figures out later that Johnny had rewritten the entire paper in an attempt to help.
David, The Pedals Make It Move More
Mutt gives Alexis a bike and David decides it’s finally time to learn how to ride a bike and his sister helps him get started. He’s wobbly at first, to be expected, and he doesn’t really try to move the pedals to make the bike move forward.
Alexis yells this line at him in a frustrated manner that taunts her brother for never learning how to ride a bike or even knowing the basics of how it works.
I’m Sorry For Not Responding To Like One Text, David!
The Rose family goes to look for David after he’s left Schitt’s Creek with the car and all of his belongings without telling anyone where he’s gone. Johnny is worried about him and the car and Moira is hilariously more worried about a bag of hers he might have taken while Alexis is pretty indifferent to the whole situation.
They find him outside of town living with an Amish community and David says he texted Alexis so she knew exactly where he was, which is something she neglected to tell her parents.
Lick Rust.
David tries to poke holes in Alexis’ plan for a premiere for Moira’s Crows movie but Alexis is never one to be deterred by what someone says especially what her brother David says.
Instead of actually arguing with her brother over the merits of her plan Alexis delivers this weirdly specific retort as David leaves the room and further fuels their loving and hilarious but at times brutal sibling rivalry.
That Was Low, Like David’s Standards.
As usual, Alexis takes a dig at David and says that his standards are incredibly low in front of their parents and hilariously David throws it right back at her saying that Alexis has a lower back tattoo.
It turns into a typical Schitt’s Creek scene as Johnny is horrified to realize his daughter has a lower back tattoo and Alexis says she got it when she was 12. Although she loses this round with David, her initial burn is still hilarious.
It’s Like A Witch’s House In Here.
David begins to have a panic attack as his and his family’s situation begins to fully sink in and he doesn’t know what else to do other than shut the blinds and try to calm down.
Alexis walks into their room and says this line, opening up the blinds and yelling at her brother while saying that panic attacks are just something that celebrities made up.
You Know What, David? You Get Murdered For Once.
Alexis and David try to adjust to their new room at the motel and David says he wants the bed furthest from the door so Alexis would be the one to get murdered first and he could get away.
The siblings start arguing and screaming at each other as Alexis throws his stuff on the bed closest to the door and says that he can be the one murdered for once.
Ew, David
“Ew, David” is one of Alexis’ most recognizable catchphrases, and for good reason. Alexis is there every time to shame her brother David after he does anything or says anything remotely gross or weird.
It’s arguably one of the funniest recurring lines on the show and is always an absolutely devastating burn given the disgust and drama Alexis lends to the line.
