The folks over at The Asylum are at it again; they just sit in the shadows waiting for the next big movie to drop so they can rub their magic “suck oil” all over it and proliferate the rental shelves with their watered down, lame-tastic version. I think of them as the “Weird” Al of movie studios – except not as good. So what happens when Asylum takes one of the lowest budget movies in cinematic history (Paranormal Activity) and gives it an even lower budget? Paranormal Entity is what happens!
There really isn’t anything to explain here but thanks to /Film for the heads up, we have a synopsis courtesy of Quiet Earth:
Actual footage of the events leading to the 2008 “murder” of Samantha Finley. This DVD, released against the wishes of the authorities, proves that nothing human caused Samantha’s death.
And, that’s the plot, people. Oh how intriguing! They even put murder is quotes to back up their point that a ghost or demon may have been involved with Samantha’s death. *Shivers* According to /Film, The Asylum is really working the found-footage angle pretty hard, to the point of leaving out all the names of the actors and director involved with the project. Of course, it could just be that no one wanted their name associated with this film, but I guess the former reason could be true too.
Check out the trailer and then let’s discuss:
OK, let’s break this down bit by bit. First, I’ve called 911 several times in my life; in fact my hometown of Jacksonville, FL is famous for being the home of the nutcase that called 911 several times because Subway didn’t make his sandwich properly, and I’ve never heard them say “You’ve dialed 911…”. But maybe I’m nitpicking, so let’s move on. Second, dude sitting on the edge of a canopy covered bed. Seriously? They couldn’t find a more manly style bed, say with a headboard made out of deer antlers or something? I guess the best they could find in the prop department was the gaffer’s little sister’s room…
Third, chick with a decent body standing in her underwear, we assume outside, while completely ignoring the cameraman’s voice until he touches her. I get the fact that she needs to be in her bloomers for the sake of drawing in the male audience (female viewers, you get the dude in the wife-beater shirt at the beginning), but did they have to go and ruin her by covering her in Caro syrup (read: blood) and dragging her down the hall. Wait, that might actually make her sexier; OK, scratch number three.
I know I’m being hard on Paranormal Entity, and I have no doubt the people actually working on the film were trying very hard, but honestly, hard work sometimes isn’t enough to get a passing grade. I am one of the few people that will openly admit to watching films by The Asylum. Heck, I even purposely rented Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, one of their few original films, and my buddy and I had a hoot of a time watching it.
I’ve watched just about every film The Asylum has put out over the past 10 years, so I feel I’ve earned the right to the occasional snarky comment, such as, “The Asylum produces films that make Uwe Bolle look like an idiot movie-making savant.”
Are you man enough to admit to watching films by The Asylum and if so, will you watch Paranormal Entity?
Paranormal Entity drops its spookiness on rental shelves December 29th, 2009.
