Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s Hitchcock and Scully are both notorious for being great cops in their youth but not so amazing cops in their present. Their loves are sitting, eating, and doing bizarre things to weird out their co-workers.
Hitchcock and Scully often have some of the weirdest and funniest moments in the show, so here are 10 quotes that prove Hitchcock and Scully are the funniest characters.
“It’s A Cookie Pizza”
It is a well-known fact that Hitchcock and Scully’s main priority seems to be mostly food. While working on a case, a member of the team is drawing a diagram on a whiteboard and asking for everyone else to figure it out; unfortunately, food is the only thing on Scully and Hitchcock’s minds.
At first, they guess it’s a cookie, and then they guess it’s a pizza. Eventually, they both come to the conclusion that it’s something they could only imagine in their wildest dreams: A cookie pizza.
“We’re Not, Who Is?”
It is no surprise that Hitchcock and Scully are the two characters who would be the most difficult to work with, and they almost seem to take pride in that fact.
While settings things up for an event, Amy tells the pair that they have not been the most difficult people she has had to work with that day; in fact, they have been the least problematic. Naturally, Scully and Hitchcock seem disappointed to hear it.
“I’ve Been Called The Leonardo Da Vinci Of Sitting On My Ass”
Hitchcock and Scully are really great at bragging over things that they absolutely don’t need to be bragging about. Whether it be bragging about how many heart attack’s Scully has had, or how much food they can eat, they enjoy boasting; which is why Scully thinks it’s an actual compliment to be considered as the Leonardo Da Vinci of sitting.
“Not A Problem, I Hate Moving”
In another hilarious and yet strangely relatable moment, Rosa is interrogating Hitchcock and Scully because her ice cream has gone missing and they are the only two prime suspects.
After still not being able to get the truth out of them, Rosa tells Scully not to move, to which he says “not a problem, I hate moving.” At this moment, everyone has been Scully at one point or another.
“Well No One Asked You, It’s A Self-Evaluation”
When Holt asks the staff of the Nine-Nine to self evaluate their work, it’s clear that Hitchcock and Scully think they are doing a great job, even though all of their best work is restricted to flashbacks from the ’70s.
When Holt explains that 14 solved cases between them are not good enough, Hitchcock disagrees and says that “well no one asked you, it’s a self-evaluation.” If only everyone had the guts to act like Hitchcock and Scully when around their boss.
“As Of Yesterday I Am Officially 1% Done”
Hitchcock and Scully have some of the most relatable lines in Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s history. An example is when Terry asks Scully for a progress report and he says he’s officially 1% done.
It’s a really funny line because Scully believes that he’s actually gotten loads done and is proud of himself for the work that he has completed. In reality, he has done nothing.
“Can’t Spill Food On Your Shirt If You’re Not Wearing One”
Hitchcock and Scully are just full of strange logical ideas that are technically not wrong. In one scene, Amy catches Hitchcock with his shirt off and is naturally confused.
In response, Hitchcock claims that you “can’t spill food on your shirt if you’re not wearing one,” which is gross but also kind of true. It’s a lesson in logic that nobody knew they wanted or needed, but it happened anyway.
“We Are Turnips”
A very funny Scully moment is when Peralta’s dad gets arrested for being in possession of drugs, prompting french police officers to take him away.
Scully starts speaking french to them and the others think he is being helpful; in truth, he is yelling “we are turnips.” In true Scully fashion, he tries to speak English, but once again says “we are turnips.” It’s a hilarious scene and a brilliant line, as things go downhill very very quickly for the characters.
“Mine Are Never That Serious, I Call Them Oopsies”
Scully has so many health problems that he probably cannot count them all; every now and then, he’ll tell the squad about another severe heart condition he has.
It has gotten to the point where he has so many heart attacks that they aren’t even that serious, so he calls them oopsies. Scully is a pretty shocking character and it is honestly no surprise that he has a nickname for his smaller heart attacks.
“We’re A Package Deal”
It’s very rare to find Hitchcock and Scully separate from each other, as they literally do everything together. This is exemplified when Hitchcock and Scully appear together in a team meeting despite the fact only one of them is supposed to be there.
The normal questions are brought up, like why are they both there? This is answered by Hitchcock, who explains that they are a package deal, which sounds about right.
