While the characters of Big Mouth certainly provide fans with lots of laughs from their many cringe-worthy moments, most of them would certainly not be equipped with the maturity, intelligence, or resilience to compete in Squid Game. Although the characters face many difficult situations at Bridgeton Middle School, these tend to be the ordinary and mundane problems of adolescent life as opposed to the life-and-death problems of Squid Game.
While some characters would simply not stand a chance in Squid Game, others would harness the bravery of Seong Gi-hun or the brutality of Jang Deok-su. But which Big Mouth character could actually go all the way?
Jay Bilzerian
Although Jay adds a lot of humorous moments to the series with his typically awkward and surreal storylines, he really wouldn’t be cut out for Squid Game. Jay means well, but he often doesn’t understand what is going on, misinterprets things, and behaves inappropriately.
Jay would be highly confused from the outset in Squid Game; he would not understand the rules of the games or that his life really is in danger and he would get eliminated in the very first round: Red Light, Green Light.
Kitty Beaumont Bouchet (AKA The Depression Kitty)
The Depression Kitty is definitely not popular among the other characters of Big Mouth. As her name would suggest, the Depression Kitty is forever trying to make the young people think the worst; making them believe that other people feel negatively towards them and that they will never amount to anything, convincing them that there is no use in trying.
The Depression Kitty would follow her own advice in Squid Game; curling up, accepting her fate, and getting eliminated in the first round.
Tito The Anxiety Mosquito
Squid Game would pretty much be the Anxiety Mosquito’s worst nightmare; every situation would be potentially fatal and there would be so much to worry about. However, the Anxiety Mosquito would have a unique advantage: they already expect life to be as scary and dangerous as Squid Game actually is.
Despite this, choosing a shape in the dalgona round would prove particularly difficult for the Anxiety Mosquito (who hates decisions). They would panic, break their honeycomb, and get eliminated.
Jessi Glaser
Jessi has certainly been through some serious emotional turbulence during Big Mouth. Jessi often feels insecure, overwhelmed and is not yet equipped with the maturity to deal with difficult situations. As a result of this, she often alienates those closest to her and finds herself turning friends into enemies (like with Missy and Nick).
Jessi would most likely do this with the other Squid Game contestants, making herself a target in the fight in the dorm and getting eliminated by someone she previously upset.
Andrew Glouberman
As Big Mouth‘s main character, poor Andrew has a really difficult time with puberty and is forever being coerced into making terrible decisions by his hormone monster, Maury. Although Andrew is extremely socially awkward, he values his friends above all else and goes to extreme lengths on Big Mouth to help them with their problems.
Andrew would no doubt sacrifice himself for one of his best friends (either Nick or Missy) in the round of Marbles, ensuring the survival of someone he cares deeply about.
Nick Birch
Having been raised in a warm, kind, but overprotective household, Nick would really struggle in Squid Game. He is unfamiliar with being in situations that he cannot be saved from and his sensitive nature makes him completely unsuited to the dangerous world of Squid Game. Although Nick would certainly try his best and take one game at a time, his fear of embarrassment would hold him back from doing what is necessary.
Out of fear of being rejected, Nick would not proactively search for a good team in the Tug of War, ending up on a weak team and getting eliminated in the round.
Maurice The Hormone Monster (AKA Maury)
As Andrew’s hormone monster, Maury really doesn’t help him much with managing puberty or understanding his raging hormones. Maury’s laid-back and relaxed approach, akin to Gi-hun’s, would serve him well in Squid Game (although he would almost certainly be responsible for other contestants’ eliminations, having given them awful advice).
However, Maury has a tempestuous relationship with another character, who would most likely take advantage of his vulnerability in the round of Glass Hopscotch and be the reason for his untimely demise.
Constance The Hormone Monster (AKA Connie)
One of the best characters on Big Mouth, Connie helps Jessi navigate puberty and is a much more helpful hormone monster than her colleague, Maury. However, she and Maury have a complicated relationship; they have been romantically involved but are constantly at odds with each other when trying to help their young people.
Although Connie and Maury do seem to care about each other, one of their full-blown arguments would probably lead to Connie tackling Maury on the Glass Hopscotch, dooming them both.
Missy Foreman-Greenwald
Missy is the most intelligent young person on Big Mouth – she has excellent skills of reasoning and would no doubt use these to work out how to survive each of the games. Despite her good nature and kind-heartedness (which she would use to make allies), she does have a vengeful and brutal side to her and she would rationalize eliminating the other players.
Despite being a very strong competitor and making it to the final round, there is one character who is far more determined and brutal than Missy.
Lola Skumpy
Although poor Lola has never been popular or well-liked in school, she has a remarkable resilience and ability to keep going despite obstacles. However, that is not to say she is good at managing her emotions – in fact, she is forever seeking revenge on those who hurt her, often coming across as bitter.
Of course, her ruthless and brutal nature and outbursts of red-hot anger would have her taking out the other contestants left, right, and center. Using tactics similar to Deok-su, Lola would ascend straight to victory.
