Comedian Bert Kreischer transitions to the big screen with The Machine, a film inspired by the legendary stand-up routine recounting his brief involvement with Russian gangsters. For those unaware, the extremely short version of the story is that, while on a college field trip with his Russian language class, young Bert partied with a gaggle of Russian thugs. Events culminated in them forcing him to help rob an entire train, including his own class.
The film picks up about 25 years later, with Bert and his father (played by Mark Hamill) kidnapped by Russians and dragged back to Russia in an attempt to find a particular piece of jewelry that was lost during the heist. It’s an ingenious premise for a film, a fictional sequel to a true event that blends fact and fiction for the sake of comedy and a surprising amount of heartfelt drama.
While promoting the release of The Machine, Bert Kreischer spoke to Screen Rant about his work on the film, from the difficulty of playing himself to his joy at getting Mark Hamill to play his father. He also shared how he had to begin a workout regimen to pull off the film’s numerous action scenes, even though he wasn’t allowed to look skinny for the sake of his true-to-life character.
Bert Kreischer on Bringing the Story of The Machine to Cinemas
Screen Rant: Hey there, Bert! I’m such a fan, I’m so excited to talk to you.
Bert Kreischer: Oh, thank you!
Screen Rant: I’ve been a fan ever since I saw you on the Anna Faris podcast, many years ago. That was my intro.
Bert Kreischer: Dude, that was a great podcast! We got wasted! We got wasted at ten in the morning! I walked in and she was like, “Glass of wine?” I was like, “I’m fuc*in’ falling in love!”
Screen Rant: I started listening to her because, after I got this job, I was like, “I should figure out how to do it.”
Bert Kreischer: Oh, she’s great! She’s a great interviewer. She’s a great person. I adore her.
Screen Rant: That was my intro to you and Tom, and now you have your own show, and I was like, sweet. Anyway, this is such a perfect premise to a movie. A sequel to a stand… It feels reductive to call it a stand-up routine, because you’re a storyteller, that’s a distinction I like to make with you.
Bert Kreischer: I appreciate that. I think the secret in the sauce, the secret sauce in the sauce, whatever, it’s like, I remember when I showed it to Rogan the first time, he looked at me and goes, “Wait, this isn’t just you telling the story about robbing the train in Russia?” And I was like, “No, it’s a reimagining of it.” And he was like, “Oh, wow, buddy, this is gonna be a good movie!” I was like, that’s what I’m excited for people to see, that it’s a legit movie!
Screen Rant: Totally. In the first act, I was like, before you get kidnapped, I was like, I would totally watch The Kreischers in a This is Us or Parenthood kind of situation.
Bert Kreischer: That would be great! That’s awesome (Laughs)
Screen Rant: I’d watch that for five seasons!
Bert Kreischer: That would be great! When I watched it, I started… The opening scene, where they go into the casino and you meet the gangster, I started bawling, crying! I was like, “I could watch this! If I ever get paralyzed, play this on a loop, it’s all I want to see!”
Screen Rant: You did it! Was there any kind of, like, special preparation, did you have to take acting classes, or did it all come naturally to you?
Bert Kreischer: No. I am playing me, so I was like, any choice I made as an actor is a choice Bert would have made. But I worked out really heavily, because I knew I was going to do action scenes, and I wanted to be in shape in order to do them. But one of the caveats was, they said “don’t lose weight, we don’t want you to lose weight, we need you fat.” I was like, well, I can do that. I started eating pasta for breakfast! So yeah, I didn’t really prepare too much. I just, like a real dummy, I just read the script every day. If I wasn’t doing anything, read the script. I go into the sauna? Read the script. I just read it so much, it was in the back of my head.
Screen Rant: I imagine there’s a fire under your ass at all times, where, if you don’t knock it out the park, Tom’s never gonna let you hear the end of it.
Bert Kreischer: Oh yeah. (Laughs) Tom said to me, right before I left for Serbia, he said, “Hey man, fuc*in’ kill it and you will set all of us up for the next 30 years of our lives. Go out there and fuc*ing kill it.” I really… I didn’t even talk to my family, barely. I was here for this one event. This one event is the most important thing that will ever happen in my life. I just wanted to do it, like… I remember graduating high school and being like, “Dude, I killed it in high school! I don’t want to go back to high school, I’m done! I’m ready for the next phase.” That movie, I’m so confident that I gave it everything I had, every ounce of my body, and I had the time of my life. The time of my life.
Screen Rant: I can tell, it works so well. Last question: if there’s a secret weapon, it’s “Marky” Mark Hamill as your dad. Was there a wall of every 70+ guy in Hollywood and you had to whittle it down to one, or was it always going to be Mark?
Bert Kreischer: No, we got on a Zoom, a casting Zoom, and Mary Parent just leaned into the camera, while we were talking about who’s going to play the dad, and Mary Parent leans in and goes, “Your dad is going to be played by Mark Hamill. I set up a Zoom for tomorrow at 3:00 PM, I hope you guys enjoy each other.” And I was like, “How the fu*k did you get Mark Hamill? How the… Do we really have Mark Hamill? Is this a real option?”
Then I get on a Zoom with him, and the first thing he says is, “Why don’t you wear a shirt on stage?” That’s what my dad says! “Shecky Greene wore a shirt! A nice blazer would look nice and respectable!” It was like he had already done research on my dad and he was hitting it out of the park. I called him up, “If we could get him, that’s a home run.” We got lucky enough. His son, Nathan, was a fan of mine. He told his dad. He said, “Dad, this guy is funny as shit, you should do this movie.” God, thank God for Nathan!
Screen Rant: Thanks so much, it’s an honor and a privilege to get to talk to you. Sometimes I wake up and I want to go to the movies and I want to see Luke Skywalker and my favorite comedian kick some Russian bad guy ass.
Bert Kreischer: I’m gonna steal that. If you guys want to watch Luke Skywalker and your favorite comedian kick some Russian ass…
Screen Rant: Then watch The Machine!
Bert Kreischer: If you want to see your favorite comedian get Luke Skywalker to do coke, then go to the movies this weekend!
About The Machine
Bert Kreischer rose to fame as a stand-up comedian known as The Machine, and in his signature set he recounts his true experience with Russian mobsters while on a booze-soaked college trip. Now, 23 years later, that trip has come back to haunt him as he and his estranged father (Mark Hamill) are kidnapped back to Russia by the mob to atone for something they say he did. Together, Bert and his father must retrace the steps of his younger self (Jimmy Tatro) in the midst of a war within a sociopathic crime family, all while attempting to find common ground in their often fraught relationship.
Check out our red carpet interviews with the cast and director as well.
The Machine is only in theaters on May 26.
