Warning: This article contains SPOILERS for The Boys season 4, episode 4.

The Boys season 4 highlights how volatile and dangerous Homelander is, but I really wish the show would stop making me feel sorry for the Supe. Homelander is undeniably the villain of The Boys, but the Amazon series does a great job of showing viewers why he acts the way he does. The Boys season 4, episode 4 underscores the impact his upbringing has on his behavior — and how it feeds into his seemingly endless need for praise and love. Seeking to rid himself of this vulnerability, Homelander returns to the Vought lab where he was created in “Wisdom of the Ages.”

What unfolds at the Vought lab can only be described as a massacre, and I found Homelander’s killing spree difficult to watch. He turns the tables on the scientists who raised him, showing them how it feels to be tortured and scared. But while Homelander’s actions in episode 4 are despicable, they also speak to what he endured in childhood. It’s hard to avoid feeling a little sorry for the Supe, especially as he recounts what he went through growing up. If nothing else, I walked away from episode 4 feeling that Vought is just as much a villain as Homelander.

It’s Hard Not To Feel Sorry For Homelander In The Boys Season 4, Episode 4

His Recollections Of His Childhood Are Pretty Horrifying

Homelander returns to Vought’s lab with a purpose in The Boys season 4, episode 4: to torment the scientists there the same way they tortured him growing up. “Wisdom of the Ages” offers more insight into the Supe’s backstory, and his recollections of his childhood aren’t pretty. In fact, they’re downright horrifying. Homelander recalls being placed in an oven for prolonged periods of time and being kept in isolation. As a child, Homelander really did suffer at the hands of Vought. And I can’t help but feel bad for the younger version of his character, even knowing what he becomes.

After all, it’s partially Vought’s fault that Homelander is the villain we meet in The Boys. If he’d been raised properly — perhaps with a greater focus on morals, relationships, and emotional regulation — there’s a chance Homelander would be a Supe who actually helps people. Unfortunately, by depriving him of acceptance, love, and true parental figures, Vought makes him emotionally unstable and incapable of curbing his worst impulses. His tragic backstory doesn’t make up for what he’s done, but it makes me feel disappointed for him.

This Isn’t The First Time The Boys Has Made Me Sympathize With Homelander

The Supe Has Rare Moments Of Humanity

The Boys season 4, episode 4 is the sorriest I’ve ever felt for Homelander, but it isn’t the first time the Amazon show has made me sympathize with the Supe. Homelander shows rare and surprising moments of humanity throughout the series, and it’s enough to make him a tragic villain. Homelander’s desired relationship with Ryan is probably the best example, as it’s obvious he wants to do right by his son. Unfortunately, his lack of role models and inability to connect emotionally makes it difficult to accomplish this.

Still, Homelander occasionally makes the right calls with Ryan — like when he works with Butcher to protect his son from Soldier Boy at the ending of The Boys season 3. Homelander’s realization that his biological father wants nothing to do with him also evoked sympathy from me, as it can’t be easy facing such a blunt rejection. And The Boys Presents: Diabolical shows a different side of Homelander, revealing that his younger self tries to do the right thing during his first mission. Again, it’s not enough to let him off the hook. But it makes it harder to fully dislike Homelander.

The Boys Won’t Let Me Fully Dislike Homelander – And That’s The Point

The Amazon Show Doesn’t Take A Black-And-White Stance On Good & Bad

Despite the sporadic moments where Homelander tries to do the right thing, there’s no denying his character is more bad than good. However, I find it hard to fully hate him after knowing what he’s gone through — and I think that’s the point. The Boys isn’t shy about his political commentary, but it doesn’t take a black-and-white stance when it comes to good and evil. Homelander is proof that bad people can have redeeming qualities and moments, just as good ones can sometimes do the wrong things.

The Boys season 4 drives the latter point home through characters like Starlight, and it’s no coincidence that the series is dredging up her darker moments from the past. Starlight is more well-intended and morally righteous than Homelander, but the things she did to Firecracker as a child prove she has a dark side. Like Homelander, Starlight isn’t entirely one thing. And it’s this complex character writing that makes The Boys such a successful show, as its entire lineup feels realistic and relatable.