Any experienced cowboy knows that the frontiers of Red Dead Redemption 2 are lousy with overused, high-falutin’, and just plain dull horse names. There’s nothing worse for a gunslinger than to lose their steed, but it sure adds insult to injury if the last thing they see flickering under the screeching wheels of a runaway train is a name tag reading Horsey McHorseface. For those righteously sick of all the Sugarlumps, Black Beauties, and Good Boahs that populate online and single-player stables in 2024, take heart because there are still plenty of unique names out there for every kind of nag.

Whether players look to the game world or real-life history for inspiration, there are plenty of names – both originals and old classics – to choose from. Most cowpokes will likely spend many hours with their horses in Red Dead 2, so it’s only right they put some thought into a name that won’t make them turn pink to holler it outside a busy saloon. Considering the quantity of bullets, tomahawks, and high-speed collisions the average player’s horse is likely to suffer throughout its brief lifetime, at least a decent name will let it live (and die) with some dignity.

10

Embrace Horse Mortality With A Regal Name Like Richard Or Charles

For any drifter who’s wasted half an hour devising a witty name for their Red Dead horse only to lose the animal in a tragic canyon leap accident five minutes later, these kingly names are just the thing. While they tend to hang on a bit these days, kings and queens of yore barely got through lunch before they getting offed by gout or assassins. England had eleven King Edwards, for example, while there were seven Cleopatras of Egypt. Calling a horse after a monarch ensures that the lazy cowboy will never have to worry about names ever again.

Giving a horse a kingly name maximizes class while minimizing effort. If Arthur trotted up to Mary on a horse called Henry VIII, she’d think him a history buff not an idiot who got his last seven Henrys killed trying to chase rabbits down Mount Shann. And for the really careless bandits – look no further than the Vatican. Benedict would sort them out for the next sixteen horses, with John managing a whopping twenty-one.

9

Keep It Civil With Old Bob

Old Bob was a driving horse that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln. They spent many halcyon years together in Illinois until Lincoln got his fancy new job and passed Old Bob off to the driver of a passing wagon. Clearly they were still on good terms, however, because Bob attended the president’s funeral in 1865.

For those wishing to resurrect Old Bob in Red Dead Redemption 2, keep in mind that the horse’s death was never officially recorded, so there’s no reason why the geezer couldn’t still be kicking around the Wild West in 1899. He’d be 50, which is about 160 in human years, but presumably, they called him Old Bob for a reason. Probably best not to take him up any steep hills, though.

8

Look To The Land For Inspiration With A Name Like Kamassa

Simple and effective, this method for naming horses is ideal for saddle-stiffs who love the land but are short of time, attention, or smarts. Players can name their horses after the location on the map where they first wrangled or bought them. Resulting names like Bella (from Lake Isabella) and Kamassa (from beside the Kamassa river) may not win any awards for originality, but fits neatly into the setting of the game and are something that either Arthur or an online player character could’ve come up with themselves.

While the method is fairly easy, it does require the player to be somewhat selective when it comes to converting a location name into one that suits a horse. Aurora and Strawberry may be pretty examples, but if an outlaw rolls up to a heist on the back of Oil Derrick or Defaced Grave, then they should expect to be ridiculed. Any players looking to rustle a steed outside Aberdeen Pig Farm might want to think twice before applying this method.

7

Homage A Cut Heist From GTA 5 With Madrazo

This name is borrowed from the target of “The Sharmoota Job,” a major multi-stage heist that was ultimately cut from Rockstar’s Grand Theft Auto V. The job would’ve consisted of Michael and Trevor infiltrating a large ranch in order to kidnap Madrazo’s wife and – drum roll – his prized horse. Involving an option for players to disguise themselves as either clowns or mimes, the mission sounds like it would’ve made for a memorable addition to the released game.

With the new-fangled GTA 6 arriving sometime in the next decade, wistful cowboys might be hankering to return to the good old days of dodgy satire and only mildly exploitative microtransactions by pottering through the desert on a horse called Madrazo. Madrazo is big, loud, and crass. The kind of middle-aged horse that unironically admires Tony Montana and still listens to Genesis. He’s mean, he’s old – but he can really rock a Hawaiian shirt.

6

Suave Up The Saloon With Tornado

Tornado is the jet-black steed of Zorro, the famous masked rogue. Players wanting to ape the vigilante’s swagger should dress up in black and dash across the desert on the back of a black Andalusian, dispensing justice, zingers, and saucy glances to camera. Sadly, there are no rapiers in Red Dead, but a broken pirate cutlass ought to do in a pinch.

According to deep Zorro lore, Tornado is incredibly fast and unusually communicative. He understands Zorro’s commands and, fittingly, responds to his long-distance whistles. This horse is the epitome of cool, so it’s probably best not to spoil the illusion by crumpling him over the first fence out of Strawberry.

5

Just Give Up Entirely With Eric Clopton

At the end of the day, there’s always a good pun. It may not be classy. It may not be cool. It may contrast too much with the direction of Rockstar’s heart-breakingly gruff tale about a bad man reckoning with his own legacy, but there are few things more satisfying in life than conquering the West on a horse named Pony Hawk.

The possibilities are endless. Leon Trotsky. Hoof Jackman. Olly Spurs. The only limit is a player’s own sense of dignity. For even the hardest heart would feel a sting of shame if, upon reaching the end of the game, they are forced to watch Arthur tenderly mourn the death of his beloved steed, Timoth-hay Chala-neigh.

4

Honor The Red Dead Revolver Bosses With Bad Bessie

Red Dead Revolver might be the direct ancestor of the Redemption series, but the newer games are so wildly divergent that it’s probably better to think of the original as a sort of weird uncle — the kind that seemed pretty cool as a kid, but in retrospect clearly peaked at high-school. There are many endearing qualities about Revolver, however, and that includes its wacky boss designs. Take Pig Josh, for example, an enormous shirtless man with guillotine blades strapped to his arms, or the gremlin-like Mr. Black.

But for those in need of a good horse name, look no further than Bad Bessie. Her backstory and skimpy outfit may reek of a very specific kind of mid-2000s adolescent sleaze, but her name is ideal for a low-honor character’s mean-tempered mare. Worthy alts from the annals of Revolver bosses include Bloody Tom, Grizzly, and for the fancy Dans, Professor Perry.

3

Flatter Your Arthur With Llamrei

Llamrei (pronounced ‘lamb-rye’ in English) is a legendary mare that supposedly belonged to King Arthur. The horse is attested to in Culhwch and Olwen, an 11th or 12th-century Welsh text featuring the mythical king. The tale rather skimps on details about the horse’s appearance, so players intent on reproducing their own Llamrei for Arthur Morgan will have to do a little detective work.

Horses in the early medieval period were much smaller on average than they are today, so something like a Mustang would be a good fit for Llamrei. White would be the obvious choice for such a high-honor steed, while the mane and tail should be braided to reference the creature’s Celtic origins. To top it all off, doll up Arthur in his best animal pelts and send him out across the plains in the fetching Viking helmet.

2

Duke It Out On Beau

Beau is the horse of Rooster Cogburn, John Wayne’s alcoholic lawman in the western True Grit (1969). Even an overweight Arthur is a touch spryer than Wayne is in the film, but they’re both haggard, hard-living, and hard-drinking men who’ve likely killed more folk than they’ve known. Moreover, a Morgan fond of dead-eye mode will certainly put away enough bottles of whiskey and Guarma rum to rival the Duke himself.

For those wanting to recreate Beau, here are some notes. Firstly, he’s quite a tall horse, so something like a Belgian Draft would be ideal. The blonde chestnut coat has a similar coloring to Beau in the film, and it has an almost identical white stripe down its face. Unfortunately for high-honor characters, this coat is unavailable to buy from stables or to find in the wild, so wannabe Roosters will have to don their bandannas and steal their prospective Beau from farms or NPCs.

1

Foreshadow Arthur’s Fate With Ta’xet Or Tia

Ta’xet and Tia are gods (or dual natures of the same god) belonging to the Haida, an indigenous American people from the Pacific Northwest. Ta’xet governs violent deaths, whereas Tia is associated with peaceful demise. This dualism mirrors the struggle within Arthur, which is translated into gameplay through the honor system.

Following his fatal fight with Micah, Arthur with high honor will bleed out slowly while watching the sunrise. At the end of a low-honor playthrough, however, Micah will simply shoot Morgan through the head. If a player names their horse accordingly, then their Arthur will either bid farewell to Ta’xet before suffering his own violent death, or say goodbye to Tia before a relatively peaceful passing. Red Dead Redemption 2 already dabbles with spiritualism by using animals to symbolize Arthur’s honor; these horse names add extra foreshadowing that fits in neatly with the game’s themes and setting.

Source: GameSpot