Gilmore Girls’ Emily Gilmore was nothing short of hilarious when she insulted somebody, but certain quips stood out more than others. There were several reasons why Gilmore Girls was popular, even after the show’s end in 2007, and Lorelai’s mother, Emily, was a significant contributor to the show’s success. Every season of Gilmore Girls saw a savage moment from Emily Gilmore, whether she insulted someone directly or in passing.

Although Lorelai’s funniest quotes about Emily in Gilmore Girls were great, too, Emily was the Queen of insults. As Lorelai’s mother, Emily was her biggest critic, but she judged her daughter with such humor and wit that it made these serious moments amazingly comical. Emily’s ability to take someone down with her sharp tongue was unmatched in Gilmore Girls, but some of her iconic quotes stood out over others.

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“You Can Use Your Mother’s Old Golf Clubs. They’re Upstairs, Gathering Dust, Along With The Rest Of Her Potential.”

Season 1, Episode 3 – Kill Me Now

One of Emily’s shadiest burns in Gilmore Girls was in the season 1 episode “Kill Me Now.” After Rory decided to pick a team sport to play at Chilton, Emily insisted that her grandfather, Richard, took her to play golf. Although she was initially trying to be supportive by offering Rory Lorelai’s old equipment, Emily couldn’t help but make a dry remark about her daughter when she told Rory, “You can use your mother’s old golf clubs. They’re upstairs, gathering dust, along with the rest of her potential.”

This hilarious insult proved how intelligent Emily was through clever wordplay. Her constant complaints about Lorelai were a core part of Emily’s characterization, and she quickly established the strained relationship between them with this quip. Even without Lorelai there to defend herself, Emily never turned down an opportunity to voice her evergrowing disappointment in one of Gilmore Girls’ lead characters. With this one insult, Emily amazingly demonstrated just why she was one of the best figures in the show.

9

“Lorelai, Would You Like Me To Put A Mirror In Front Of You So You Can Look At Yourself While You Have This Conversation?”

Season 2, Episode 8 – The Ins And Outs Of Inns

Lorelai and Rory joined Emily for dinner in the opening scene of “The Ins and Outs of Inns.” However, Richard was notably missing, but when Emily explained that her husband was in Akron, she misunderstood Lorelai’s response of “Get out of here” and took it personally. Lorelai was too distracted with explaining what the phrase meant that she ended up talking to herself, but Emily quickly got bored of her ramblings and cut her off with, “Would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can look at yourself while you have this conversation?”

Emily’s incredible use of sarcasm was perfectly executed at this moment. She brilliantly and indirectly mocked Lorelai’s self-importance in such a sly way that it was hard not to find the throwaway comment funny. Emily’s quote encapsulated her perception of her daughter being self-absorbed and melodramatic with a cutthroat tone that was made even better by her impeccable timing. Surprisingly, Emily’s comment didn’t start an argument, which was impressive considering Friday Night Dinners were generally where Lorelai and Emily’s biggest fights in Gilmore Girls happened.

8

“At Least She Had A Husband To Kill.”

Season 3, Episode 2 – Haunted Leg

After yet another instance in which she was subjected to Emily’s judgment of her, Lorelai began the episode “Haunted Leg” by discovering that a woman from her past, Shauna Christie, had shot her husband. Emily had good memories of Shauna and shut down the claims that Lorelai was reading from the newspaper, but then looked for herself and found it to be true. Emily was shocked and felt sorry for Shauna, but she still managed to find a way to insult Lorelai by adding, “At least she had a husband to kill.”

Emily didn’t even bother to look up properly when she said this, and Lorelai had to bite her tongue at her mother’s snarky comment. While this moment was amazingly funny, it also highlighted a tender subject within their relationship. Lorelai raised Rory by herself and cut her parents off, only reuniting with them in season 1, and Emily frequently voiced how disappointed she was in her for doing so. This episode also focused on Emily’s attempts to reunite Lorelai and Christopher in Gilmore Girls, so this was a great way of setting up the events of the story.

7

“He’d Have To Look Like An Olive Pit To Get Her Attention.”

Season 3, Episode 14 – Swan Song

During yet another Friday Night Dinner in “Swan Song,” Lorelai and Rory painfully listened to Emily talk about Richard’s mother, Trix, for twenty minutes. Emily and Trix’s relationship was another in Gilmore Girls that was far from pleasant, especially when Emily implied that she drained people. Lorelai suggested that they find Trix a romantic companion, to which Rory wholesomely added, “with or without an umbrella,” one of many references to pop culture in Gilmore Girls. However, Emily felt that the enigmatic man would also need to look like an “olive pit” to catch her eye.

Emily’s insult was one of her funniest because of how inventive it was. Emily could have compared Trix to anything, yet she chose to compare her to an olive. Emily previously complained about how Trix sucked on the remains of olives, so her remark came with incredibly fast thinking and razor-sharp wit. Another reason that Emily’s comment was impressive was because she’d announced that she didn’t want to speak about her mother-in-law anymore, but her distaste for the woman overpowered her.

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“Don’t Wear Those Pantyhose With The Seams Up The Back. You Look Like Ten Cents A Dance.”

Season 4, Episode 13 – Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found The Gnostic Gospel

Lorelai and Emily’s phone calls in Gilmore Girls were often filled with passive-aggressive statements and tension, and the one they shared in “Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel” wasn’t any different. Emily stressed to Lorelai the importance of the charity event for rare manuscript acquisition, and even though Lorelai was due to attend by herself, Emily insisted that she bring someone with her. Rather than thanking her when she agreed, Emily ensured to insult Lorelai with, “Don’t wear those pantyhose with the seams up the back. You look like ten cents a dance.”

What made this moment even funnier was that Emily immediately hung up after this comment. Emily failed to acknowledge the support Lorelai offered by attending the event, but she also thought it best to be twice as rude by critiquing her appearance and comparing her to a paid dancer. This scene truly demonstrated the difficult mother-daughter relationship the two shared, which was often complicated, but it still had moments of familiarity. Emily Gilmore wasn’t the greatest mother, but she knew the exact words to try and manipulate Lorelai with.

5

“Better Yet, Throw The Old Harpy’s Carcass In A Ditch! Let A Wolverine Eat Her!”

Season 4, Episode 16 – The Reigning Lorelai

The Gilmore family tree shrank in the episode “The Reigning Lorelai” after Trix’s death. Emily’s passionate hatred for the woman was still very prominent even after Trix’s demise, but her being forced to plan the funeral with Lorelai infuriated her more than anything. Emily’s opinion was that the “old harpy’s carcass” deserved to be thrown away and that they should let a “wolverine eat her,” a hysterical and wild alternative to a traditional funeral. What was even funnier about this quote, however, was that Emily had clearly thought about this before.

When Trix was first mentioned in the season 3 episode “Kill Me Now,” Emily and Richard announced she was dead, but this did not turn out to be the case. Therefore, it made sense that Emily was so vocal about Trix’s funeral, especially one for someone she couldn’t stand. Emily was so unbelievably petty in this scene, and the fact Richard had once gone to play golf instead of attending her best friend’s funeral fuelled her neverending, comical ridiculousness.

4

“I’ll Have To Bring My English-To-Dumbbell Dictionary.”

Season 4, Episode 18 – Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom

It wasn’t just the Gilmores who were in danger of Emily’s insults; nobody was safe, as she demonstrated in the season 4 episode “Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom.” While at dinner with Emily and Richard, Lorelai and Rory learned about their friend, Bob. Emily wasn’t fond of Bob’s wife, who she was being forced into attending dinner with, and referred to her as a “trophy wife.” Emily was never hesitant to express her opinions on people’s appearances, personalities, or brains, which was notably apparent when she said she’d need an “English-to-dumbbell dictionary” to speak with Bob’s wife.

Emily’s suggestion that she needed a special dictionary just to communicate with the woman was incredibly funny because she implied that Bob’s wife was actually that stupid. Her blunt tone and deadpan delivery were both hilarious, and her jarring insult was timed well, especially as both she and Richard spoke of Bob so highly immediately afterward. However, this quote perfectly defined Emily’s characterization in Gilmore Girls overall and showed off the most dry and bitter aspects of her personality.

3

“What On Earth Is Wrong With You Besides The Obvious Lack Of Fashion Sense?”

Season 5, Episode 17 – Pulp Friction

One of Emily’s greatest showdowns was with Luke in the season 5 episode “Pulp Friction.” Out of all of Lorelai Gilmore’s boyfriends in Gilmore Girls, Emily saw the most appeal in Luke and was invested in their relationship. So when Luke failed to get back together with Lorelai in “Pulp Friction,” Emily immediately tore into him. This scene was dramatic but very funny even before Emily’s mouth opened as she whipped open the door of Gilmore Girls’ famous Luke’s Diner with a sharp glare.

Emily berated Luke for his decision, but she started her rant with the hysterical line, “What on earth is wrong with you besides the obvious lack of fashion sense?” Emily’s torturous shouts also included several other comical microaggressions, such as when she compared Luke to a Sesame Street character and implied that he needed a “cheat sheet.” Luke’s backward baseball cap and chequered shirts weren’t to everyone’s taste, especially not Emily’s, and she made sure he knew this.

2

“You Were A Two-bit Gold-digger Fresh Off The Bus From Hicksville When You Met Mitchum At Whatever Bar You Happened To Stumble Into.”

Season 6, Episode 5 – We’ve Got Magic To Do

Emily Gilmore’s most famous monologue in Gilmore Girls kicked off with an iconic line that insulted Shira Huntzberger. This moment saw Emily defend her granddaughter against Shira, who believed Rory wasn’t good enough to date Logan. But Emily refused to allow Shira to think this, so she took the opportunity to pick the woman’s life apart. Emily shamed Shira for her beginnings, called her a “two-bit gold-digger,” and implied that she met her husband, Mitchum, by coincidentally arriving at “whatever bar [she] happened to stumble into.”

This was a funny remark from Emily, but it was also a moment of justice for the entire Gilmore family. Emily happily judged whoever she liked, but she never allowed anyone else to speak about her loved ones with such disrespect. It wasn’t often that she fought for her family, but when she did, it was warranted, which resulted in a few moments when Emily and Lorelai got along in Gilmore Girls. Emily’s viscous choice of language and abrupt manner were amazingly funny, and thankfully, Shira got exactly what she deserved.

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“This Is Lorelai Gilmore And Rory Gilmore, My Granddaughter And Her Mother.”

Season 7, Episode 3 – Lorelai’s First Cotillion

“This is Lorelai Gilmore and Rory Gilmore, my granddaughter and her mother” was one of Emily Gilmore’s best insults in Gilmore Girls because it was subtle yet cutting. Lorelai and Rory arrived at Emily and Richard’s home, but they were surprised when a young girl opened the door for them. The child, Courtney, was one of the few Gilmore Girls characters who only appeared in one episode and was being taught proper dining etiquette by Emily for the upcoming cotillion. She introduced the pair to Courtney, but Emily didn’t bother to identify Lorelai as her daughter correctly.

This was a hilarious line of dialogue because of how unnecessarily petty it was. Courtney wouldn’t have questioned how she explained her relationship to Lorelai, but Emily decided to make this quip simply to be snarky to her daughter. Even though Lorelai and Emily’s relationship went through plenty of ups and downs throughout Gilmore Girls, Emily continued to hold the same grudge against her daughter, even in season 7.