Hollywood loves remaking movies. The recent releases of West Side Story and Father of the Bride prove that remakes can be great when done properly, adding to the original’s reputation without staining it. Indeed, some remakes are so amazing that they are even better than the original.
On the opposite side of the coin, some remakes are terrible, so bad and embarrassing that they considerably harm the original’s reputation. These remakes prove that, sometimes, it’s better to revisit a nearly perfect film instead of trying to recapture the magic and failing miserably.
The Stepford Wives (2004)
The underrated camp classic The Stepford Wives features Katharine Ross as a housewife drawn to the seemingly idyllic town of Stepford, where a much darker truth lurks underneath. Satirical and acidic, the film is a great example of the subversive urban horror genre that uses real-life situations, exaggerating them for dramatic purposes.
The 2004 remake, however, is a silly and over-the-top story that never knows what it wants to be. It shoots for the same camp tone as the original but fails to recapture it, instead coming across as disingenuous. There are some great elements in it — mainly Glenn Close’s deranged performance –, but they aren’t enough to elevate the finished product.
The Pink Panther (2006)
Iconic comedic actor Steve Martin has a career many other performers would kill to have. However, he isn’t safe from the occasional dud; 2006’s The Pink Panther is one such flop. Martin is arguably miscast as the clumsy Inspector Clouseau, turning his antics into acts of idiocy rather than the result of incompetence and absent-mindedness.
Peter Sellers’ portrayal was entertaining because the actor never treated Clouseau as an object of ridicule. The 2006 remake settles for the cheapest humor possible, wasting Martin’s tremendous comedic sensibility in a dumb plot that demands nothing from the audience and offers nothing in return.
Godzilla (1998)
Godzilla has been the star of numerous films, almost all presenting him in a mostly positive light. Godzilla isn’t a villain; it’s closest to an antihero. 1998’s Godzilla doesn’t understand the character, and it shows. The film presents it as a full-blown monster seeking to ensure its offspring’s survival.
Removing the Japanese element from Godzilla’s story is the worst possible idea. The film also interprets Godzilla as a dinosaur — encouraged by the success of the Jurassic Park films, no doubt — instead of a man-made monster.
Ben-Hur (2016)
Charlton Heston became a cinematic icon thanks to his performance in 1959’s Ben-Hur, the mother of all cinematic epics. The film was already a remake of a 1925 silent film, based on Lew Wallace’s 1880 novel Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ.
The 2016 remake lacks the epic sense of grandeur that made the original a classic. It seems small and unimportant, an afterthought even. Ben-Hur is so disappointing that its chariot race scene pales in comparison to the original, even with the added benefit of CGI. The film tanked at the box office and derailed Jack Huston and Toby Kebbell’s once promising careers.
Around The World In 80 Days (2004)
The 1956 adaptation of Jules Verne’s 1973 classic Around the World in 80 Days starred David Niven and Mexican legend Mario Moreno “Cantinflas.” The ambitious epic won five Oscars, including Best Picture, and even if its reputation isn’t exactly the best, it remains a fun and impressive technical achievement.
The 2004 remake lacks any of the original’s flair and personality. Settling for cheap laughs and tired gags, 2004’s Around the World in 80 Days is ridiculous and tired. Not even a parade of cameos, including Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kathy Bates, and the Wilson brothers can save it from being a mindless dud that adds nothing new to the story.
The Mummy (2017)
1999’s The Mummy is the perfect summer blockbuster. It is fun, fast-paced, thrilling, and features the unbelievably charming Brendan Fraser in the lead role. Already a remake of the 1932 supernatural horror film starring Boris Karloff, 1999’s The Mummy has aged surprisingly well, retooling the story as an epic adventure, thus making it more accessible and even enjoyable.
On the contrary, 2017’s The Mummy is predictable, boring, and features a nonsensical plot that becomes dumber by the minute. Not even Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe’s undeniable star power can save it from the mess it ends up being. The Mummy is so bad that it single-handedly ended Universal’s blossoming Dark Universe, signaling that audiences weren’t into its brand of senseless action setpieces.
The Women (2008)
When it came out in 1939, George Cukor’s The Women was almost groundbreaking. Featuring an all-female cast starring two of MGM’s most iconic performers, Norma Shearer and Joan Crawford, the film explored the dynamics of women with humor and wit. It might seem outdated today, but it’s a near-perfect product of its time.
The 2008 remake, on the other hand, fails as a comedy and a commentary on modern female relationships. It settles for imitating the original’s plot without any of its humor or intelligence, resulting in a lazy and uninspired film that damages the original’s reputation instead of honoring it. It doesn’t need to be said, but Eva Mendes is no Joan Crawford.
Swept Away (2002)
Madonna is a wonderful entertainer, one of the best in history. She is irresistible and energetic on stage, commanding entire arenas with her deep and seductive voice. However, she’s not an actress. Guy Ritchie’s disastrous remake of the 1974 Italian romance Swept Away is proof enough, casting the Material Girl as a spoiled wife marooned on a deserted island with a handsome Italian deckhand.
The original was already controversial enough, thanks to its seemingly misogynistic approach and on-the-nose commentary on class struggles and warfare. The remake makes matter worse by eliminating the sociopolitical context and turning the story into a half-baked attempt at erotic drama.
Planet Of The Apes (2001)
Tim Burton was riding the wave of success at the start of the new millennium after a string of critically beloved films like Ed Wood and Sleepy Hollow. However, the director took a considerable detour from his trademark Gothic-meets-kooky style to direct the big-budget sci-fi Planet of the Apes. His attempt at broadening his horizons backfired.
The original Planet of the Apes, starring Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall, is a classic of the science fiction genre with one of the best twist endings in cinematic history. Burton’s take is an overblown, borderline ridiculous story featuring a laughably bad performance from Mark Wahlberg and a ludicrous ending that even M. Night Shyamalan would roll his eyes at.
Psycho (1998)
Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho is the ultimate psychological horror thriller. A masterpiece in suspense and arguably the best modern slasher film, Psycho is one of the most influential movies in history. It remains highly regarded by critics and fans, often imitated but never matched.
There is genuinely no need for a remake of a near-perfect film, much less one that is a literal shot-by-shot replica. Gus Van Sant’s unnecessary Psycho offered nothing new to the film; there was no fresh perspective, no new angle. The film was a replica without the innovation or thrills of the original. Also, despite delivering a genuinely unnerving performance, Vince Vaughn is no Anthony Perkins.
