Cable and Deadpool are an iconic duo in X-Men canon, not just because they are perhaps the two most badass characters in Marvel Comics history, but because they are absolutely hilarious. The dynamic between the two alone will have fans audibly laughing at their comic books, not to mention the dark humor they bring to life through their over-the-top brutality and morbidly hilarious apathy.
However, more than anything else, Cable and Deadpool stand out as two of the funniest antiheroes in Marvel Comics for one reason: the absolutely outrageous stuff they say. Obviously, Deadpool has Cable beat when it comes to the utterly absurd things that come out of his perpetually jabbering mouth, though most of them play off the situations he’s in with Cable, making the Omega-level future soldier just as much a part of the comedic situation as Deadpool himself – plus, Cable has also been known to utter a ridiculous comment from time to time. And even though their hilarious quotes may very well range in the hundreds – especially throughout the entire run of Cable & Deadpool – there are 10 quotes that stand out as some of the most outrageous.
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10 “Good sir, you can’t pay me enough to go to France while our countries are at war!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #1 by Fabian Nicieza and Mark Brooks
The first issue of Cable & Deadpool opens with Deadpool accepting a call from a potential client, who would like him to kill someone – more accurately, a group of someones – in France. Then, Deadpool responds in the most unhinged way imaginable, asserting that the United States was engaged in some imagined war with France, and that he’d never go overseas during this tumultuous time in world history.
This quote is so gloriously random, but more than that, it’s perfectly ‘Deadpool’.
9 “This is for Normandy! And this is for – uhm… for – Bridgette Nielsen!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #1 by Fabian Nicieza and Mark Brooks
Deadpool screams this at a squadron of German security guards during his assault on a company responsible for the creation of a dangerous substance that could be used as a weapon of mass destruction.
His mention of Normandy was a clear reference to World War II, though bringing up the name of ‘80s era model/actress Bridgette Nielsen was a bit unfounded, and even confused the German guards Deadpool was actively butchering, making this quote the very definition of ‘outrageous’.
8 “Hey, if you looked like Ryan Reynolds crossed with a Shar-Pei, you’d understand!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #2 by Fabian Nicieza and Mark Brooks
When Deadpool was explaining to Cable why he sided with a religious cult that was obsessed with body alterations and modifications, he tells Summers that he doesn’t understand what it’s like to look like “Ryan Reynolds crossed with a Shar-Pei”. This statement is more than just outrageous – as it confirms that Wade Wilson canonically looks like Ryan Reynolds (or, at least, he did before the Weapon X experimentation) – but it is also a bit eerie in the meta-sense, as it accurately predicts the actor who portrays Deadpool in two separate franchises.
This comic came out in 2004, and Reynolds wouldn’t portray Deadpool for the first time until the 2009 film X-Men Origins: Wolverine, making this a very odd – if not downright historical – line of dialogue, indeed.
7 “I do NOT hate everything about the world. Just every show they’ve ever put on after Friends. Except Scrubs. Come to think of it, I hate Friends too…” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #4 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
Deadpool is saying this to Cable, unprompted and unprovoked, right in the middle of their fight. This is perhaps the purest example of Deadpool’s stream-of-consciousness way of thinking, while also touching on his pop culture-obsessed humor.
Deadpool is always talking about TV shows and movie stars, so his tirade about the best and worst sitcoms in entertainment history should come as no surprise to anyone – which is exactly why it’s so outrageous.
6 “…time to take the easy way out!” – Cable
Cable & Deadpool #4 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
This quote is paired hilariously with visual humor, as it’s Cable shouting this while wielding a ridiculously large gun that has ‘Liefeld XS’ written on the side of it. This is a bit of meta humor, as Rob Liefeld is the writer/artist who created Cable and who was one of the main comic creators of the ‘90s that championed the more ‘hardcore’ aesthetic that has become synonymous with the era.
Throughout this entire arc, Cable has been portrayed as a cold, methodical character who’s orchestrating a larger plan to reshape the entire world. Yet here, he’s reverted to the original ‘hardcore’ character he was introduced as, and this line highlights that hilariously.
5 “Auntie Em! Auntie Em!” – Deadpool & Cable
Cable & Deadpool #4 & #12 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
In a clear reference to The Wizard of Oz, both Deadpool and Cable scream out “Auntie Em! Auntie Em!” during two separate and completely unrelated occasions. Deadpool screams it when he’s melting as a result of the body-altering serum the religious cult offered him in issue #4. Then, Cable says the exact same thing after his consciousness becomes trapped within his own mind, and a metaphysical tornado comes through his mentally-manufactured reality that throws him back into the real world.
This quote is absolutely hilarious, as it proves just how alike the two really are – even if Cable will never admit it.
4 “You swallowed me!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #5 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
The absurdity of this quote speaks for itself. Not only is it vaguely dirty, it’s also just a ridiculous thing to come out of Deadpool’s mouth, and is utterly shocking out of context (with contextualization only barely making it better). While Deadpool was justified in yelling this at Cable, as Cable did – in a sense – swallow him, this quote is still completely outrageous, as is the entire situation surrounding it.
When would this ever be an appropriate thing to say? Well, when someone literally swallows Deadpool, of course – which is utterly absurd in and of itself. And this quote only highlights that absurdity.
3 “Well, that was the coolest expository dialogue I have ever had!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #10 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
Deadpool says this after he and the X-Men have the most forced conversation about the Silver Surfer ever brought to the pages of Marvel Comics. The Silver Surfer flies in to help the X-Men stop Cable, as he’s trying to reshape the world in a way that makes the Surfer fear for the planet’s future. So, to ensure that readers know exactly who this character is, Deadpool essentially goes over every relevant point of the Silver Surfer’s backstory in a contrived conversation with the X-Men.
Then, he calls this out himself with a bit of fourth wall-breaking meta humor. Classic Deadpool.
2 “That fight lasted as long as Deathlok’s last comic.” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #10 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
Another piece of meta humor courtesy of the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool quickly incapacitates his opponents only to stand above their unconscious bodies and say this line. This was a totally uncalled-for dig at Deathlok – someone who, admittedly, should honestly never be more than a side character or plot device – and the character’s inability to hold a readership with a standalone title.
No other character in the Marvel Universe would say something like this, since no other character knows they’re a work of fiction whose existence is relegated to the pages of a comic, making this quote completely outrageous.
1 “DIE, YOU %$#&@%# CLOWNS!” – Deadpool
Cable & Deadpool #15 by Fabian Nicieza and Patrick Zircher
This quote is not only outrageous, it’s absolutely unhinged. Deadpool is trapped in a training simulation populated by his own mind, as he’s being conditioned to eliminate the greatest threats that face the world – and he believes that this collective threat is clowns. This issue opens with Deadpool taking on an army of clowns, with Wade brutally slaughtering them with extreme prejudice.
This scene truly came out of nowhere, as did the quote, which is why it can easily be considered one of the 10 most outrageous quotes from the Cable & Deadpool series.
