It’s in times like these that we all need a laugh (and not just a sarcastic one). Thankfully we’re in great supply of laughs thanks to what’s available on streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime. We’re always up for watching classics like Blazing Saddles and Anchorman along with more recent gems like What We Do in the Shadows. We’ve had some great comedies, sure, but it’s always interesting thinking about the comedies we didn’t get.
A lot of our favorite comedy actors, writers, and directors were almost involved in making movies that never got filmed, or evolved into things that may or may not have remained the same. Here we’ll be looking at 10 of the ones that really piqued our interest.
Jay Roach’s Used Guys
Back in 2005, Jay Roach was attached to direct Used Guys, a sci-fi comedy set in a future where women rule the world and men are sold like used cars. Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller were going to star as two obsolete guys who have been replaced by better models (models better at sex and listening to women), with Reese Witherspoon playing one of the ruling women.
Carrey and Stiller’s high salaries, not to mention the escalating budget, led to the flick getting canned. It was revived in 2009 with Stiller starring alongside Danny McBride and Emily Mortimer before being canceled again. Here’s hoping this gets made, as it has potential for inventive humor and sharp commentary on dominant masculinity.
Ben Stiller’s Go to Hell, Mike Piazza
Back in 2001, Ben Stiller was set to star in and produce an R-rated comedy with the bold title of Go to Hell, Mike Piazza. Stiller would have played Remy Thompson, a classmate of the future Mets player growing up. Piazza constantly outdid Remy in just about everything, even stealing Remy’s girlfriend and costing him a chance to become a professional pitcher. Now a hot dog vendor, Remy sees a chance for revenge after winning a trivia contest that puts him on national TV with Piazza.
The script was sold to Universal and was going to be Stiller’s follow-up to Meet the Parents, though no directors or even Piazza himself were attached. It would have been cool to see how crazy this film got, but given Piazza’s retirement it’s unlikely this will ever get made in its original form unless someone rewrites it for a new athlete.
Aaron McGruder’s Live-Action Uncle Ruckus Movie
Yes, this almost happened. Back in 2013, The Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder started a Kickstarter campaign to raise $200,000 for a live-action film starring Uncle Ruckus, with Ruckus’s voice actor Gary Anthony Williams donning the makeup to play his self-loathing racist in the flesh. The campaign stretched from January 30th to March 1st, 2013, but didn’t reach its goal amount. While the film didn’t happen, we won’t be without Ruckus for long; a new Boondocks series is set to hit HBO Max in the fall.
Demetri Martin’s Will
Comedian Demetri Martin wrote a script several years ago titled Will, which takes place in a world where no one has free will, with each person’s destinies written by heavenly angels. One of these angels happens to quit, leaving their human free to do whatever he wants. Zach Galifianakis and Paul Rudd signed on to play the angel and the human respectively, with The Artist director Michel Hazanavicius coming onboard in 2014. We haven’t heard anything since, but the combined talents of Martin, Galifianakis, Rudd, and Hazanavicius sounds promising.
Stephen Chow’s The Green Hornet
Hong Kong filmmaker Stephen Chow has given us surreal and inventive comedies like Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle and he was set to bring those sensibilities to 2011’s The Green Hornet starring Seth Rogen; not only was Chow onboard as director, but also to play Kato, the Hornet’s valet and martial arts expert who assists in his war on crime. Chow had very different ideas for the film as opposed to Rogen’s (Chow reportedly wanted a scene where Kato controls the Hornet’s movements with a joystick), and he soon dropped out as director and as Kato. Given the film’s failure, one has to wonder if Chow’s direction would have made a difference here.
Mel Brooks’ The Three Stooges
A full-length Three Stooges film starring new actors had been in the works since at least the 1970s, and the first person to try making it was Mel Brooks. Brooks envisioned directing, writing and starring as Moe in this film, alongside frequent co-stars Marty Feldman and Dom DeLuise as Larry and Curly respectively. Brooks gave up however after he failed to come up with a story that could carry all the pokes, bonks, and puns, so he decided to make Silent Movie with DeLuise and Feldman instead.
As we know, the Farrelly Brothers cracked the story for a Three Stooges film and got it made in 2012, with Chris Diamantopoulos, Sean Hayes, and Will Sasso playing Moe, Larry, and Curly. As great as those actors and the film itself were, we can’t help imagine how Brooks’s inventive wit and irreverence would have lent themselves to a slapstick-heavy Stooge fest, had he figured out the story of course.
Vince Gilligan’s 2-Face
Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan wrote several screenplays that got close to being filmed, with one being 2-Face, about a racist man who develops a split personality that is more liberal and tolerant; an African-American psychologist tries helping the racist reconcile the two personalities and become completely tolerant. The script doesn’t shy away from brutally tackling racism, containing several ethnic slurs. It’s this tidbit that’s made studios worried about making it; Will Ferrell was attached to star in 2008 before production was stopped once again.
In 2013, the Austin Film Festival held a live reading of 2-Face featuring Ferrell, Linda Cardellini, and Breaking Bad‘s own Giancarlo Esposito; those who attended the reading described the script as Harvey meets Blazing Saddles. Blazing Saddles brilliantly mocked racism and if it’s ever made 2-Face could do the same, shining a much-needed spotlight on the kinds of carefree racists who exist nowadays.
Ivan Reitman’s The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Back in 1982, Douglas Adams signed a deal for a film adaptation of his comic science fiction novel The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to be produced by Ivan Reitman, with either Bill Murray or Dan Aykroyd playing Ford Prefect. Aykroyd later presented Reitman with a little script he co-wrote called Ghostbusters, which they wound up making instead over the Hitchhiker’s adaptation.
It would have been interesting to see what Reitman (and maybe Aykroyd or Murray) would have brought to the source material, but maybe it’s for the best this version wasn’t made since it could have stopped Ghostbusters from happening.
TIE: Harold Ramis/David Gordon Green’s A Confederacy of Dunces
Many have tried and failed to adapt John Kennedy Toole’s comic novel A Confederacy of Dunces. The first attempt was back in 1982, when Harold Ramis was set to write and direct an adaptation starring John Belushi as Ignatius J. Reilly, before Belushi’s passing caused a delay in the project. The closest it got to being filmed was when David Gordon Green was set to helm a new version in 2005 starring Will Ferrell as Ignatius, though that was shelved as well due to Hurricane Katrina’s impact on New Orleans (where filming was taking place) and lack of interest at Paramount Pictures.
It’s a shame that neither of these productions went through, as both directors could have brought something unique to the material. At least we got the stage adaptation with Nick Offerman though.
Charlie Kaufman’s Frank or Francis
Screenwriter/director Charlie Kaufman has made a lot of surreal and brilliant films, including Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but Frank or Francis (announced in 2011) was set to be his craziest yet: a satirical musical comedy set in Hollywood, Steve Carell would have played Frank, a self-absorbed director whose films are constantly torn apart by Francis, an obsessive Internet troll played by Jack Black.
Nicolas Cage was also onboard for a role, as were the likes of Elizabeth Banks, Kevin Kline, and Catherine Keener before it lost traction. We’d love to see Kaufman dissect Hollywood, so here’s hoping this gets made at some point.
